Loss Of Victory  Revenge
by xxkunoichi159xx
Summary: RATED M! Yuppers X3  Thanks to Aurazelia  here on ff, I finally have a name for this! COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THE NAME GOES TO YOU, AURAZELIA ! THANKS !
1. Chapter 1

One step closer to the edge. A day that I've forgotten more than just my innocence.

I am losing myself, and by doing so, I am losing all that I have ever known or cared about.

My shadows cannot hold me back anymore. They are nothing more than my doubts and fears following me from place to place.

I look to my left and see them. Ludwig and Feliciano. They are holding hands quietly as they watch me walk into the depths of this dark world, never to return.

To my right, Alfred and Arthur. They are quiet as well, watching my steady footsteps as I take my final breaths.

Inhale, Kiku. Now exhale.

Nothing is worth living for anymore. World War II has all but destroyed my country. At least Feliciano and Ludwig will have each other. I am alone.

I quietly whisper an unheard prayer as I try to keep myself under control. I want to cry, but tears are not to be shed in such a situation.

I look again to my left and Feliciano is clinging to Ludwig. His head is pressed against the German man's chest and I'm sure that he is doing that one thing that I had just promised myself I wouldn't do. Ludwig is still staring at me, almost as though he has hardly noticed Feliciano's presence.

I take a final step forward and look down. I can see nothing but the black depths ready to swallow me whole.

The phone rang and I woke up. A sigh left my lips as I rubbed my forehead.

What time is it?

The clock warned me that it was almost 3 in the afternoon. The medication must have caused me to pass out.

I grabbed the wireless phone sitting on my bed stand and answered with a sleepy, "Moshi moshi."

The voice on the other end of the line was deep and recognizable. My eyes widened in slight shock that Ludwig, of all people, would be calling me.

I was sure that he hated me for bringing America into World War II. It was, after all, my fault that we had lost.

"Kiku. I need to see you. Do you mind if I come over?"

I was confused for a moment before realizing that he wanted to see me in order to properly insult me for my failures.

"I'm rather busy today..." I lied. There was nothing for me to do that day. Nothing at all. My heart was pounding and I felt afraid of him for the second time in my life. The first time being after America became involved in the war because of my stupidity.

"I need to see you." He said a little more forcefully.

I gave in. It would only anger him more if I didn't.

"A-alright."

"Good." He hung up his phone and I hung up mine.


	2. Chapter 2

I answered the door when he arrived and he approached me with strange eyes. I couldn't read his thoughts, his actions. I had no idea what was going on within this man's mind. All I knew was that I was scared.

I took a few steps back before speaking, "W-what is it that you want to talk to me about, Ludwig-san?" I asked, trying to sound confident and strong, but I faltered and stumbled with the first word a little.

He noticed.

"You seem nervous." He said quietly, taking another step towards me. One of his hands out stretched and touched my face. Then an amused smirk appeared on his lips, "Oh. What's this? You're cheeks are warm and red, little Japan." He chuckled more to himself than to me, "Why?"

I couldn't answer him. I was unsure of what to say. So I kept quiet and looked away, my blush only getting worse. I was nervous and embarrassed.

"Mmm. Little Kiku, tell me what is wrong." He whispered, putting his lips close to my ear as he held my shirt with a clenched fist, "Are you afraid of me?" His deep voice was still hushed, as though he were telling me a secret that only I could know. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Feliciano had warned me that Ludwig was drunk more often than not these days, but I was finally witnessing it for myself. I started to shake a little, and soon I was shaking almost violently.

"L-Ludwig-san. You are drunk. Please sit down..." I said, trying, again, to make myself sound confident in my words.

"I'm not drunk!" He almost shouted, pulling his face away from my ear, "If I was drunk, you would know." He growled, staring directly into my eyes and clutching my shirt harder, almost choking me.

I had always known Ludwig to be a happy drunk. Yes, I'd seen him drunk many times before. But I think that everything that had happened was starting to stick in the back of his mind where he had put it to keep himself under control. This build up of hurt and anger from losing the war may have been what lead him to act this way.

"P-please. L-let go of me. You're drunk." I whispered nervously. He grabbed me by my wrists and slammed me against the wall.

"I AM NOT DRUNK!" He growled again, his face much too close to mine. I turned my head away and his smirk returned, "If I was drunk..." He let go of my wrist and I dropped my arm to my side. He trailed his finger up my arm to my face, "I would probably have my way with you..." He chuckled quietly and grabbed my wrist again, pinning it back up to the wall. Then he kissed my neck roughly, already bruising it a little. I tried to push him away with my foot, putting it against his stomach and almost crying.

His laugh was terrifying. I shuddered and screamed silently at the sound of it and I gasped loudly when he bit down hard, drawing blood. My leg dropped from his stomach as my body refused to move any more. I shut down almost completely. I tried to will myself to move.

Move, Kiku. Move!

But I couldn't.

He kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then my lips. I didn't kiss him back, but if I had had complete control of my body at the time, I know that I would have. I shut my eyes, the only thing that I could do, as his kisses went lower. He kissed my neck and sucked on the skin a little before letting go of my wrists just long enough to strip me of my shirt.

"S-stop." I managed to get the word out between loud breaths.

"Hmph. This will be your repayment for making me lose the war." He smirked as he grabbed my wrists again and bit down hard on my collar bone, causing it to bleed. His tongue played with the injury, lapping up all the blood from the spot. Then his lips moved to my left nipple, sucking gently on it for a moment before he pulled on it with his teeth. He couldn't go further than that while he was still holding my wrists, and he hadn't yet realized that I couldn't move. So he grabbed my roughly and threw me over his shoulder. My body started to react on its own, contorting a little as I kicked and screamed and punched his back and shoulder blade hard. But he didn't seem affected by it at all. He simply grabbed his bag and carried me to my bedroom. He handcuffed me, looping the short chain over one of the blades of the ceiling fan. So that's what was in that duffel bag...

He pulled out a blindfold and a ball gag and a riding crop. I wasn't sure what else was in the bag...

"L-Ludwig-san!" I screamed his name as he shoved the gag in my mouth. He tied the blindfold tightly.

Was this it? Was this the punishment? Would he leave me here like this?

Then I heard a loud, "Thwack" sound coming from somewhere behind me. I couldn't help but wince a little although nothing had even touched me. I tried to yell as I swung myself a little. Maybe if I could just get the chain from the handcuffs to move off of the fan blade...

"Kiku... what are you doing?" Ludwig asked rather kindly. I felt his leather gloved finger run down my stomach and I stopped swinging. Obviously, I couldn't answer and he chuckled more, before kissing my neck gently. I heard him take a step back. "I think that you are trying to get free. Naughty boy." He laughed quietly again and smacked the riding crop hard against my stomach. I flinched from the pain and the shock, but it wasn't too bad... yet.

Another strike to my stomach, then my chest. Again and again. Then he beat it across my back. He hit me so hard that I could feel blood dripping from a few of the wounds. He licked off some of the blood, quickly realizing that my pants were still in the way. He took a knife (or so I would assume) and cut them off from me, scratching my leg lightly as he did this. His skilled hand had managed to cut through not only the pants, but the boxers as well. I heard the light noise as they fell to the ground.

I managed a muffled scream as I flailed my legs, trying to kick him although I couldn't see him. I recall hitting flesh for a quick second, then kicking in that direction. Then a slap across my ass hard from the riding crop caused me to wince and scream again.

"Calm the fuck down. I'm only going to hurt you if you flail too much." He was standing behind me, whispering the words onto my shoulder blade as his right hand moved around in front of me, teasing my testicles slightly with his fingers. My body tensed up and I moved a little more. He gripped there tightly, then with his left hand still holding the riding crop, he pinched my nipple hard, "What did I say, little Kiku? Calm down. If you don't, this will only hurt more." He bit my shoulder blade and pinched my nipple between his fingers again, playing with it.

I don't know why people would like this kind of sex. It's much more painful than I ever could have imagined... yet, somehow... something was telling me that I had wanted this. I had wanted it for so long.

I wanted to be punished. I wanted somebody to hurt me.

You masochistic bitch.

I wanted to be hurt for hurting others, and although I had been hurt before, it had never really been by Ludwig/ And I deserved this. Every second of it. I deserved it from him for ruining what could have been his victory in World War II.

I failed, and now I was paying for it.

Another strike from the riding crop, on the inside of my thigh this time. It hurt like hell. It hurt more than I can explain. He wasn't being gentle at all. He was walking in circles around me, smacking my paralyzed body whenever he felt like it.

I could hear his low chuckles and the sound of the riding crop through the air just before it hit me. And the blood curdling sound it made when it found flesh.

My body was bleeding. Bruised and bleeding. I couldn't move. All I could do was cry out and scream from behind the gag. I doubt that I could even be heard.

"Shh shh shh..." He rubbed his fingers against my length and pressed his lips to my forehead. Even hanging up like this, I was only about the same height as Ludwig.

He licked my nose and pulled up the blindfold just a little, looking into my terrified eyes with his lust filled ones.

"Have you had enough yet, little Kiku?" He said with a sickeningly sweet voice, one hand being used to keep the blindfold lifted, the other on my hip, pulling me closer to him as he kissed my eye. He brought his hand up from my hip to unblindfold me completely, then to take off the gag, "So?"

A long silence as I stared into his eyes. I was finding it hard to speak. But when I finally found my voice, I spoke words that, to my surprise, I would never regret saying.

"No." I whispered quietly, almost growling at him.

I needed to be hit harder. I needed him to almost kill me so that I would never do something so stupid again.

He looked at me with shock for a moment, then I his lips curled up into a smirk and a playful glint appeared in his eyes.

"Really, Kiku?" He brushed his fingertips over my lips as he spoke, "Are you sure?"

"Do whatever the hell you want."

"So, I have permission to fuck you senseless?" He chuckled in a way that made me cringe.

"Do. Whatever. The. Hell. You. Want." I pronounced each word carefully, separately. And I was completely serious as I spit on him.

He didn't like that too well.

His hand, covered in leather, slapped me hard across the face, and I could feel the skin straining as it started to swell a little.

"You stupid fucking bitch! Don't spit on me like I'm nothing more than dirt! I'm the one that should be spitting on you! You made me lose this war! It's your fault!" He growled, almost yelling in his deep voice as he struck me again. I saw it coming and I flinched before the palm of his hand had even hit me hard across the face.

I felt blood dripping from my mouth. I could taste it, almost choking on it. This is what I wanted. Hurt me again...

And he did. Again and again. With his gloved hands and with his riding crop. I had gashes across my back and across my stomach.

Then, just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he moved me off of the ceiling fan and onto the bed where he forced himself inside of me, without any form of lubrication, and slammed into me hard. Again and again. I think I started to bleed, but I can hardly remember it. I just remember passing out after a while, wondering if I would ever wake up.


	3. Chapter 3

The sticky feeling from last nights rough sex was still there when I woke up. Stickiness from the blood and the...

I winced a little at the thought of the other sticky stuff covering my body. The white, gooey mess mostly on my back and my ass.

I was so sore.

I looked beside me and Ludwig was sleeping soundly... kind of. He kept wincing in his sleep and grunting lightly. I was terrified of waking him up. I didn't want to be hurt again. I was still recovering from what happened last night.

I tried to sneak out of the bed, but my body wouldn't move. The handcuffs were still on. They weren't attached to anything, so what was holding me back?

Ludwig's hand was in my own.

Why hadn't I noticed that before?

My body was not only paralyzed from fear, making it hard to move for that reason, but also the resistance from Ludwig clinging so desperately to my hand.

I stared at him. I wasn't sure of what to do. So I pretended that I was asleep, and I watched him through almost completely closed eyelids until he awoke.

I still pretended to sleep even then, but I shut my eyes all the way.

"Fuck..." I heard him whisper. The bed shifted slightly and I heard him mumbling to himself. Then... a sob?

No. That couldn't be it. That didn't make any sense, right? Why would Ludwig be sobbing?

Then another. And another. A trail of them.

I opened my eyes to see Ludwig sitting at the foot of the bed... crying?

"L-Ludwig-san?" I whispered. He wasn't able to hear it at all. He was too busy whispering into his hands as the tears fell and his body shook. I couldn't tell what he was whispering, but I could hear it enough to know that that's what he was doing.

I managed to will myself into sitting up and crawling across the bed towards him. He didn't notice me until I put a hand on his shoulder, "Ludwig-san? What's wrong?" I whispered.

He turned sharply to look at me and I thought for sure that he would hit me again, but he didn't. Instead, he grabbed me, holding me tightly, crying more.

I had never seen him cry before this.

I could feel his body trembling as he held me tight and I wrapped my arms around him.

Shouldn't I have been the one crying, not him?

"I'm sorry Kiku. I'm so sorry. I-I wasn't thinking. I was drunk. I'm sorry. I have no excuse. I shouldn't have hurt you. I'm sorry." He kept apologizing, almost as though he was unable to stop.

"It's alright. Don't be sorry."

"How could I not be sorry? Look at yourself! I beat the hell out of you and raped you! Gott, I'm such a fucking jerk. I'm such an asshole..." His voice went from an angry roar to a quiet whisper.

I didn't know what to do, so I simply let him cling to me, and I kept my arms wrapped firmly around his body. Even though I was the one with the scars, it was he who was feeling all the pain.


	4. Chapter 4

I stood in front of the full length mirror, completely naked. My eyes scanned my body, deciding how bad each scar would be after these cuts finally healed. The wounds were already starting to scab over, and it looked disgusting. It was almost impossible to believe that Ludwig had done that to me. Some were deep, others were mere scratches, and I evaluated most of them, picking off some of the scabs to disinfect them.

They were everywhere. On my back, my chest, my legs, arms, and ass. I looked up at my face and took a mental note of the damage done there. It wasn't as bad as the rest of my body. I could easily explain these small injuries away. A cut under my eye that would become a small scar soon enough, nobody would even notice that. My eye was still a little puffy, but not as swollen anymore. My lip was also cut a little, along with a matching gash on my chin. I could think of explanations if anyone asked. It wouldn't be hard at all.

Ludwig was downstairs. When I left him, he had been drinking his coffee, still stunned by what had happened and apologizing occasionally. We hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Neither of us were very hungry. I figured that I would make lunch later, in case he was hungry. Well, if he stayed that long...

I had told him to make himself at home, as the phrase goes, while I took a shower. I didn't have to say anything about why I needed to take a shower. It was understood. I was still sticky.

I came back downstairs after about an hour. As I approached the bottom of the stairs, I heard a small noise... a movement.

Ludwig was asleep on the couch, sitting up, holding Pochi-kun (whom was also asleep). They looked so peaceful, I decided not to disturb them if I could help it.

Instead, I sat beside them on the couch. My laptop had been sitting on the coffee table, so I picked it up quietly and turned it on, prepared to do some work that I had left half finished yesterday.

Ludwig shifted a little, turning to look at me with slightly opened eyes. He smiled a little, a faint blush tinting his cheeks before he closed his eyes again. He looked so sweet, I smiled at him happily, watching him sleep for a moment before I returned to my work, adjusting my glasses a little (yes, I wear glasses when I type and read. My eyes aren't as good as they used to be.).

Then, as I was typing, I felt something touch my leg. His hand. I looked over at him, giggling quietly when I realized that he was still asleep. He woke up for a minute, moving a little closer to me, Pochi-kun jumping off of his lap and choosing, instead, to sleep on the cool floor. Ludwig shut my laptop and sat it on the coffee table again.

"Ludwig-kun! I was trying to do my work!" I whined a little, but he ignored me and pulled me down, lying my head on his lap.

"Ich liebe dich, Kiku." He whispered, petting my hair gently, closing his eyes again.

I figured that it was about time that I said it back, because I, in fact, had been in love with him for a very long time. I took his hand, the one that was resting on my side, and kissed it gently, then laced his fingers with mine, "Aishiteru, Ludwig-kun." I whispered.

His smile. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. Of course, I had seen him smile before , but this time, there was something special about it.

"Do you really mean that?" He whispered back, tightening his grip on my hand and pushing some hair out of my eyes.

"Of course. I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't meant it." I smiled sincerely at him. I meant every word that I had said. I really did love him.

For a few moments, we stared into each other's eyes. Then, he leaned down to kiss me, gently, tenderly, and after some time, I found myself sitting on his lap as the kiss became more intense. The hot passion rising in us both as he slid his hands up the back of my shirt, tracing the marks that he had left and the scars left there from previous times.

I couldn't have been happier than I was in that moment. His arms around me, our lips together, the soft noises coming from each of us as our lips met again and again,our mouths opening wider, begging for just a little more. Then, our tongues touching, rubbing against one another as we pressed our bodies almost as close as we possibly could. And I was even happy in the moment when we broke the kiss, both panting for breath, looking into each other's eyes again before I leaned against him, my head on his chest. He hugged me tighter, almost as though he thought I might leave him if he didn't. He kissed the top of my head gently as I cuddled against him, blushing and a little nervous, but feeling safe in his arms despite what had happened last night. I wanted to be able to make him happy, because maybe if he was happy, he wouldn't drink so much, and then he wouldn't do things that he would regret.

"Kiku. I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I hurt you." He whispered, his lips still pressed against the top of my head, "Ich liebe dich." He nuzzled his face into my hair.

Ludwig was muscular, he still is. He's almost seemed like the strong... I don't know... rough type, I guess. But, I got the chance to see his gentle side. I knew that he could speak gently and sweetly, but I had never expected that his touches and kisses and hugs could be just as gentle and sweet as his words.

"Aishiteru." I whispered again, cuddling as closely to him as I could. It had been a long, rough night... but today... today would be a day to relax. A day to tell each other the things that we had wanted to say for so long...

We fell asleep like this, his arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me close as I dosed off with my head against his chest.

I was tired, but I couldn't wait to wake up to those blue eyes and those gentle lips.


End file.
